Stop and breathe to control reactions better.
Kids have a way of testing our patience and pushing our buttons. How we respond in these moments can shape our relationships with them for years to come. Learning to control your reactions, even in challenging situations, can create a calmer home and help you build a stronger connection with your child.
Pediatrician and parenting expert, Dr. Mona Amin, explained that kids learn more from what we model than what we say. They are highly attuned to nonverbal cues like our tone, body language, and expressions. If we respond with frustration or yelling, we teach them to handle stress in the same way. Instead, by staying steady, we show them how to navigate big feelings constructively.
“It’s not about being perfect… but it’s about showing them how to manage challenges constructively,” Dr. Mona encouraged.
Reacting vs. Responding
Reacting is instant and often driven by emotion, like snapping or yelling in frustration. Responding, on the other hand, is intentional. It involves pausing, thinking about the outcome you want, and then acting in a way that aligns with that. The key difference is the pause, which can change the whole dynamic.
The BREATHE Technique
Dr. Mona shared a simple strategy for parents to use when emotions run high: the BREATHE technique.
- Break the moment: Step back mentally or physically to disrupt the reactive cycle. This could be taking a deep breath, a sip of water, or counting to five quickly in your head.
- Recognize your feelings: Acknowledge that you’re overwhelmed. It’s important to be aware of your emotions.
- Engage your senses: Ground yourself by focusing on physical sensations, like feeling your feet on the floor or touching a countertop.
- Ask: What does my child need right now? This helps shift your focus from your own frustration to your child’s needs.
- Take another breath: Exhale and hold space. This creates a moment of calm.
- Help: Empathize with your child. Say something like, “I see this is really hard for you.”
Handling Big Emotions
When your child has a big meltdown or hits you, it’s important to override the instinct to react. Before you get into these situations, remind yourself of what you want to teach your child. Approach the situation with compassion instead of anger. Dr. Mona suggested asking yourself, “What would I want in this moment, whether it was my younger self or if I was upset as an adult?”
The Power of Apologizing
Apologizing is hard for many parents, but it’s crucial. When we apologize, we teach our kids that mistakes happen and accountability matters. Saying “I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t okay. I’m working on my feelings just like you are,” models growth and trust. It shows that it’s okay to make mistakes and that we can learn from them.
Remembering the Mantra
Dr. Mona suggested a helpful mantra: “My child isn’t giving me a hard time, they’re having a hard time.” This perspective helps parents approach their child’s behavior with empathy and understanding. It reminds us that children are not trying to frustrate us on purpose; they are struggling with their own emotions.
Controlling your reactions takes practice and mindfulness. It’s not about being perfect but making progress. By modeling calm and constructive behavior, you can build a stronger, more empathetic relationship with your child. Remember to give yourself grace and acknowledge your efforts. Every small step towards responding rather than reacting is a step towards a healthier, happier family dynamic.
For more insights from Dr. Mona, follow her on Instagram @pedsdoctalk, or visit her website for resources on parenting, health, and development, pedsdoctalk.com.
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