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Lessons from “The Nail”


We got a kick out of the video “It’s Not About the Nail” which has been circulating on facebook for a few days. It seems to epitomize the differences in communication between men and women.

We asked Studio 5 Relationship Coach Matt Townsend to share his insight on the video.


These are some lessons which can be learned from “It’s Not About the Nail.”

1. Understand That We Both Can Be Right At the Same Time.
– Instead of just arguing the obvious from your point of view, actually listen to what the other is saying, to figure out where they are coming from. Hearing another person’s point of view does not mean you have to give up on your side of the argument. In the video, eventually the woman does need to have the nail removed from her head and the man will need to learn to just listen and understand her feelings.

2. Recognize What Your Partner Really Needs in A Conversation
– Everyone has different needs when talking. Research shows that we talk for different reasons with women using talk to build rapport and men using talk to report and get stuff done. Those tendencies are at the root of the problem displayed in this video. Our differences aren’t right or wrong, but they do need to be understood if we want to improve.

3. Learning: Using Today’s Interaction to Improve Tomorrow’s.
– Sadly, we never saw how this whole thing turned out. Did she ever have the nail removed, and if she did, did she thank her husband for finding the problem? And did he ever really understand the deeper need she had to be understood? Did the couple learn from the experience so that next time they can get to the real issues and needs faster? Every conversation we have should actually teach us how to better approach each other instead of entrenching us deeper into our selfish patterns.



Smart Teen Series
“Building Your Teen Esteem”
Tuesday, July 16th, 2013
9:00 to 12:00
Ages 14-19
$25 per teen or $20 per with 2 or more.

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