As you let go of things that annoy you, you can become happier. And most couples have some of those things that bug each other and get under your skin. It’s time to let go of them.
Studio 5 Relationship Coach Matt Townsend shares some ideas on how and why to let go of a marital annoyance.
Recognize the Real Source of Your Grievances
Notice we are the ones with the pain, your partner isn’t frustrated because they keep clipping their toe nails at the kitchen table, you are. Notice that the one with the grievance is the one with the pain. The pain is yours! So the real source of your grievance is you! It’s in your head, it’s because of your expectation and your choice that you married the lug.
Notice the seriousness of the grievance. How big of a deal are these really? Would you ever dare go to a meeting with all of your friends and discuss these grievances? If not, why not? What would people think of you if bring them up publicly?
Usually the grievances are small and if our partners are great and our grievances are small, petty things than that may be saying something about us.
Our grievances reflect more about us than our partners.
Find Your Own Peace In The Problem
You have two choices to find the peace. Get “them” to change what they are doing which you’ve probably already tried and failed. Or change yourself. Do you want peace? Or do you want to be right?
Their change, will bring you peace. Their changing is the source of your peace, which is a thought that will eventually steal your chance to actually fix the problem. We usually connect our pain to their intention.
If most of what your partner is doing is awesome, why are you not mostly awesome? Why do you fixate on the few things that don’t work instead of the many things that do? What do you want to bet if they actually stopped what they were doing and did what you wanted them to, that you would find another thing to correct and focus on? What if you worked instead on finding the peace and had the problem.
What can you do to feel peace and still have your husband clipping his toe nails at the dinner table.
o Bring him a garbage can!
o Bring him a drink and snack to give him energy to clip those nasty nails.
o Sit next to him and talk and do your own nails.
o Video tape him and tell him you’re putting it up on your Facebook page. 🙂
Let Your Peace Do Your Talking, Not Your Pain
When you can find the love in your partner and not the pain in your problem, you will be a different messenger with more power to influence them. By turning to your principles in the grievance instead of your pain, you reflect and feel a different spirit. As soon as you have peace with the problem, the problem can go away. You peace will bring more power. You will be coming at your partner from a place of strength instead of weakness. As soon as you are ok with it being what it is, or being done having it, you will begin to fix the problem.