We’re breaking into the mom cliques!
Ditching old stereotypes and taking on a new point of view to help you build
positive relationships with other moms.
Mothers and women often feel excluded and see social differences once
thought to end at high school. Friendships and relationships can make a big
difference to women but associations and stereotypes can distract us from
making powerful connections. Before you label your neighbor learn five
outsider perspectives and insider solutions to help you better understand
unity and let go of the differences.
a.k.a. The Involved Mom
profile: Organization and association cliques
Outsider View 1: “I don’t have talents”
Insider Secret 1: If we are feeling left out of organizations and
is usually our own fault. Our own fears often hold us back from making
powerful connection. Set aside your fear of failure or rejection and come
participate. As you do, you may find that you are deeply needed and valued
with the talents you do have. One mom shared her perspective, “I would
rather exclude myself from any mom group than confront my fear of not
being that super mom.” Sometimes we create flaws in others and emphasize
our differences as a way of protecting ourselves. As we develop friendships
it often take that emotional exposed feeling in order to develop connections.
Play Date Divas
a.k.a. The stroller moms, walking buddies, recipe exchangers
profile: Casual neighborhood cliques
Outsider View 2: “I don’t fit in”
Insider Secret 2: Most women feel like they don’t fit in, yet we feel
out. We feel like we are the only person in the neighborhood who doesn’t fit
in. Look around and try to help others in their own insecurity. We’ve all had a
moment where we didn’t get an invite to the park, or a neighborhood
gathering, or have seen others gather where we don’t feel included. The
more you make an effort to get to know other people and interact with them
the more invites you are likely to get.
a.k.a The cool mom
profile: Trend and style conscious cliques
Outsider View 3: “I feel inadequate and I’m not cute”
Insider Secret 3: Sometimes personality styles take to trend and
differently than others. No matter your style let go of the comparison and
believe in your individual style. Work those sweat pants. Don’t let them make
you feel inadequate. Don’t frantically try to scramble to be something you
are not because that is part of why you may be feeling inadequate. Take care
of yourself, sometimes that extra 20 minutes of self-care will help you let go
of not feeling prettier enough. And on the days when you don’t have 20
minutes and have goldfish crackers welded into your pants, work those
goldfish crackers. Don’t let them make you feel inadequate.
Domestic Engineer vs. Working a Career
a.k.a. Stay at home moms/ Working mom
profile: Workplace and life status cliques
Outsider View 4: “I’m not smart enough/She thinks I’m a bad
Insider Secret 4: As we make personal decision about working or
home we need to generate respect and empathy for the life circumstance of
others. Don’t feel threatened by someone who has a different life
circumstance and take their choices as a personal attack on our own. Instead
try to understand what life is like for someone who works, who stays home,
who is single, who doesn’t have children, and other life status circumstances
that create divisions.
The Master Matriarch
a.k.a. The quilt ladies, the gifted grandma, the regal retiree
Profile: Generational and life experience cliques
Outsider View 5: “We have nothing in common”
Insider Secret 5: Stop, listen, and look for the things you do have in
How many times do we look at age gaps and feel like that other person will
not understand you. Yes, we are different. Yes, we naturally gravitate
toward people who are like us and are at the same stages in life. However,
we should not let these differences prevent us from learning, growing, and
listening to one another. Differences help us become better. As with all mom
cliques, if we let our differences get in the way we are going to feel left out.
If we can embrace our differences and accept other people as they are, we
can live a more fulfilling life.
The Mom Clique photos featured in this segment were taken by Jessica Wolf
Karen Eddington is a Self-Worth Analyst and has spent over ten years
researching women and teens. She is the author of Today, I Live and directs
many community outreach programs on self-esteem. For more information
you can go to www.selfworthretreat.com