Setting Healthy Boundaries

As we navigate our relationship with ourselves and with others, we will have
the opportunity of learning how to successfully set healthy boundaries as it
relates to our time, commitments, feelings, and experiences.

In exploring setting healthy or healthier boundaries, consider these tips in
doing so:

1. Be Clear With What You Want. Sometimes we’re feeling frustrated or
overwhelmed because perhaps we said “yes” once again to a PTA project, a
lunch date, or that we could help on the committee at work or in our
community and now we’re feeling bothered and frustrated because there is
no time for our other priorities, say our exercise, sleep, or our family. Take
time to get clear on what you really want and your most important priorities.
With that clarity, you can decide what is really a “yes” for you and what then
is likely a “no” even if it sounds interesting. There are many interesting
projects or causes to explore; yet when we are clear, we know what our
priorities are and how to navigate where we invest our time. As you are
approached with new opportunities, requests, or projects, before responding,
ask yourself; “Does this align with my priorities? Is this something I really
want to do or is this a ‘should do’?” Trust your intuition and your instincts. If
it doesn’t align or you would be saying yes simply to please others, take
caution in committing. Exhibit the courage to honor you and your priorities.

2. The Power of No. It really is okay to say “no” to others or to requests.
Realize that as you say “no” to some offers or opportunities you are also
saying, “YES” to yourself and your chosen priorities. It has nothing to do with
whether you like the person asking or care about the project. It has
everything to do with choosing your priorities. Saying no can be liberating!
It’s been often said, “Say no to the good, so you can say yes to the great!”
Remember that you only have so much time and energy for each given day or
week. By saying no when appropriate and when in alignment with your top
priorities, you are actually creating and protecting the space to say yes to
your great.

3. Release the Emotion. Setting healthy boundaries with your life and time
can create the feelings of stress or guilt. Others may attempt to have you feel
guilty or pressured by not saying yes. Be clear and calm in your
communication with others that your choice is for you, not against them.
Allow yourself to release and let go of the guilt and realize you also have a
choice of whether to feel guilty or not. Whenever we are changing our own
patterns and behavior, those around us will feel a shift (change) as well.
Change can be uncomfortable and scary. As you communicate with others
your clear priorities and decisions, reassuring them that this is for you, not
against them, with time they too will likely adapt. The important key to
remember is that they are entitled to choose how they will feel and how they
will respond and so are you. Part of having healthy boundaries is that we
don’t try to “fix” or “control” others, yet focus simply on our own feelings,
choices, and responses and therefore, modeling for others how they can do
the same in their own life.

As you gain clarity of what is best for you, your family, and your time, you
will have the opportunity of practicing setting and honoring your own healthy
boundaries. Keep you and your priorities at the forefront of your mind,
schedule, and time, trusting yourself as you navigate the decisions and
conversations with others. As Goethe has said, “When we trust ourselves, we
will know how to live.”

To Your Success!