Talking Respectfully with Others about the “Bad Apple” in the Family

Check your motive for talking about the Bad Apple.

· Are you just commiserating? Be careful of commiserating, because all you become are a bunch of miserable people.

· Is it to help or to hurt?

· How, specifically, will your talk help?

· Is it working?

Act as if the Bad Apple is present.

· We usually talk differently about people when they are present than when they’re not. Respect is easier to show when they are around than not.

· Talk in a way so that the positive stuff can eventually make it back to the person.

· Look for the exception to the problem.

Talk to strengthen the Good Apples more than weakening the Bad Apple.

· It’s easier to help the healthy than fix the broken.

· Remember that one Bad Apple can ruin the entire barrel, so work on strengthening the Good Apples.

· Whatever person you focus your energy on will grow, so grow the innocent not the guilty!

· Empower each other to deal more effectively with the Bad Apple.

· Find a Good Applesauce recipe.

· Turn the victim stories into healthier and more productive stories.

Humanize the Bad Apple rather than demonizing them.

· Usually with Bad Apples we tend to focus more on the bad, than the apple. All apples have or will have something wrong with them eventually.

· The reality is that there are reasons why his person is struggling and it’s more than just that they are “evil”.

· Try to go upstream and understand the sources that are/have poisoned this apple rather than judging the apple.

· Balance the problems with the compassion.

· Discuss the good about this person, as much as the dysfunctional qualities.

· Look for the exceptions to the behaviors and not just the problems.

Remember that how you handle the Bad Apple is more about you than them.

· This is your greatest test of character.

· Your actions demonstrate to everyone how you will treat them when the roles reverse.

· Be a light, not a critic! Be a solution, not just more of the problem.

· Share the things that worked; don’t reinforce the broken.

Realize that the role of Bad Apple is a rotating role.

· Don’t become another Bad Apple

· Bad Apples are subjective and eventually you may seem like a Bad Apple to someone. How do you want to be treated?