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Stand the Test of Time: 5 things resilient couples do for their marriages

Resilient couples are real and vulnerable.

Here’s a somewhat uncomfortable fact: you really didn’t know who you were marrying. Love is a leap of faith, they say… and “they” might be right. Making a marriage last might actually be about fostering resiliency, rather than marrying perfectly.

Studio 5 Relationship Contributor Dr. Matt Townsend shares the first of a two part conversation about what resilient couples do to stand the test of time.



“Like a palm tree in the wind, I won’t break, I’ll just bend, and I’ll sway.”

– Kacey Musgraves

Matt compared a resilient marriage to a tree. If a tree is too rigid and unbendable, the wind will eventually shatter it. The same is true in our relationships. We don’t know exactly what’s going to come. So, you can fear what’s coming or you can learn to flex and be resilient.

Marks of a Resilient Couple

Last week, Matt shared four things that resilient couples do. They focus on fixing themselves and not their partners, becoming intentional about accepting differences, truly cleaving unto their partner, and mastering the art of being real and vulnerable.

He shared four more marks of a resilient couple:

  1. They say what they mean and they mean what they say: They don’t beat around the bush. They don’t hope that you can read into the tea leaves. They actually just say what they mean.
  2. Live like you’ve only got a few years together: Understanding the fragility of your life and your relationship allows you to understand and prioritize things better.
  3. Appreciate mistakes: We as humans are notoriously bad at liking change. We don’t like chaos. We like everything to stay the same. But Matt believes when we acknowledge our mistakes, welcome them, and talk openly about them, that’s when we start to feel resilient.
  4. Celebrate the silver linings: Every cloud has a silver lining. What if we could start intentionally finding the good in every moment? Or in our spouse?

For more insights on resilience in relationships, you can join Dr. Matt Townsend’s “Becoming One” program. Learn more at

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