Studio 5 Relationship Coach Matt Townsend outlines those five languages and even gives a test for how to determine which language your loved one is speaking to you.
Author Gary Chapman identified “The Five Love Languages” as:
• Words of Affirmation
Positive talk, compliments, hopeful words, affirmations, pleasant tone and conversations, etc.
• Quality Time
Trips, vacations, focused attention, eye to eye communication.
• Receiving Gifts
Flowers, services, etc.
• Acts of Service
Cleaning house, door opening, caring for children, taking out the garbage.
• Physical Touch
Hand holding, intimacy, back rubs, affection.
1. Everyone wants to be loved differently.
Through our upbringing we have learned how to be loved in different ways. The frustration comes because we think if they loved me, they would obviously love me my way. A great way to figure out how your partner wants to be loved is to see what they complain about most?
2. We tend to love others the way we want to be loved not the way they want to be loved.
One of disconnects that couples have is that we’re always serving each other the way we want to be served. So we’re always acting and never receiving our love. If you’re always looking for cookies and your partner always serves cake, than odds are you’re both going to be disappointed, both the giver who serving and receiver who “never gets what they want.” We think that our partner “never” does anything for us. Really they do a lot for you but it’s all in the wrong language so you don’t understand what they’re saying.
3. Remember the recipient always determines if they’ve been loved or not.
To love someone their way means they’ve got to see they are being loved…it’s not just enough that you did something…they have to receive it as love. Make sure you’re noticing the love that your partner is trying to do.
4. Learn to love your partner their way.
Identify how your partner most wants to be loved. Do the daily special…”What’s the most important thing I can do today to love my partner their way?” Set a goal and offer the daily special – one thing you can do for your spouse each day to make them feel special. Learn more ways to do the same thing. Just because your partner wants more touch doesn’t mean you always have to have intimacy. There are 1000 ways to touch someone. Learn how you like to be loved by ranking. Have a conversation with your partner about your different styles so you understand theirs. Love them regardless of their mood circumstance or event. Don’t feed them just to be fed, feed them because it’s just right.
For more information, you can contact Matt at www.marriagemattersutah.com or you can visit them in Sandy (801) 747-2121.