Dateless to Dazzling: Learning to Flirt

So, from flirting to first date …Utah’ Dating Coach, Alisa Goodwin Snell shares her tips.

“Women decide their fate a lot more than men do. Thus, if you are not dating, it is likely that you do not know how to flirt or are choosing not to flirt.”

Tips for Flirting:

1. Look men in the eyes and smile warmly, sweetly, affectionately, tenderly, and playfully. This should be a feminine and soft smile that shows interest and warmth. Smiles that are businesslike, superficial, polite, or matter-of-fact are not encouraging. If you need to, practice your smile in the mirror to see what looks and feels best. Then start using it with friends and little children to see how their expressions and interactions with you change after you smile at them in this manner. Once you have the technique down, start using it with men. Do not mistakenly believe you can skip this tip and move on to the others. This one tip is a must for success and is core to flirting.

2. Get a new hairdo, some new makeup, and more flattering new clothes. A woman doesn’t flirt when he looks good; she flirts when she looks good. Start looking good at least three times a week, if not every day, when you go to the store, the library, your work, or a park. You never know when you might notice a single man you would like to flirt with, and you won’t be as likely to flirt if you don’t feel attractive.

3. Start looking for single men in the everyday places you go. This will help you initiate eye contact. Trust and believe that there are lots of single men in the world because there are – it’s a fact.

4. If you notice a man from across the room:

• Don’t move in his direction or approach him, but turn your body at least a quarter turn in his direction.

• Keep your peripheral vision turned toward him so you can catch his eye if you see him looking at you. Make brief eye contact with him, smile, and then turn away.

• Maintain good posture.

• If you are talking with a girlfriend, start moving your hands a little more while you talk, lean slightly forward to show that you are interested in the person and their conversation, and periodically tough them on their upper arm, hands, or tips of their knees.

• Try to get a moment when you can be alone so he will be more likely to approach you.

• Leave when you feel sufficient time was given for him to take action.

• Keep flirting, no matter how many date you have been on lately.

(From Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man by Alisa Goodwin Snell; published by Bonneville Books)

Alisa Goodwin Snell is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Visit her website at for more great dating advice.

Alisa is holding a singles workshop on Saturday, October 18th at the downtown SLC Library from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Cost is $135 and more information is available on her website.

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