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Once you’re securely attached, help others get there! Here are 4 ways to do it

Help others in your life become securely attached.

Recently, Studio 5 Relationship Contributor Dr. Matt Townsend encouraged us to develop a secure attachment style in our relationships. Now, he’s encouraging us to help others do the same.

To promote secure attachment styles, Matt said you need to make people feel loveable, capable, safe, and like they belong. He shares how.

Check out Matt’s new “Becoming One” program! You can learn more about it at


How to Help Others Become Securely Attached

Help Others Feel SAFE

If somebody is unsafe, how will they interact with you? How willing are they to be vulnerable? Matt says that if they’re not willing to be vulnerable, there’s most likely a safety issue there.

He wants you to listen to what they complain about the most to discover where they are feeling unsafe. For example, if they complain and stress about money, there’s most likely a history there. Their financial situations in the past haven’t felt very secure, which has cause them to overly stress about it now. Rather than arguing about money with them, try to get to the root of the fear. Find solutions that will help them feel safe and confident moving forward.


Help Others Feel CAPABLE

Matt wants you to Remind your partner, and other people too, that they are capable, valuable, and skilled. Give them credit for their accomplishments. Compliment them in front of others.

He says It is especially important for many men to feel capable. What could appear on the surface as an ego stroke, is actually a deep rooted need that developed through evolutionary processes. It’s been their role through history to be the protector and the provider for survival. Those pressures still exist, and many men still want, and need, to be recognized as capable of being that person for their family.


Help Others Feel LOVEABLE

Matt encourages us to help others feel they are loveable by, once again, listening to what they complain about. For example, “You never touch me” or “You never want to spend time with me”. Consider those complaints as pleas for help. They are telling you how they want to be loved. Understand why it’s so important to them and fulfill their needs.


Help Others Feel Like They BELONG

Matt says that Belonging means, “I don’t want to have a party without you, so when can you be here?”. Belonging means that when you meet someone new, you find out their name and you use it in conversation. Belonging means that you take a genuine interest in others, and you introduce them to other people. We all want to feel like we belong, and we can do our part to make sure everyone does.

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